MOST READ It’s too early to present Duterte’s ‘legacy’ – Lacson DAY6 is for everybody Baser Amer had 10 points, four assists, and three rebounds as the Bolts survived the absence of Chris Newsome, who fouled out midway through the fourth quarter.Jio Jalalon paced Star with 15 points on a perfect 9-of-9 clip from the charity stripe, with six rebounds and three assists.Paul Lee and Mark Barroca had 11 markers apiece, but lost their poise in the endgame for the Hotshots.Sports Related Videospowered by AdSparcRead Next Carpio hits red carpet treatment for China Coast Guard PLAY LIST 02:14Carpio hits red carpet treatment for China Coast Guard02:56NCRPO pledges to donate P3.5 million to victims of Taal eruption00:56Heavy rain brings some relief in Australia02:37Calm moments allow Taal folks some respite03:23Negosyo sa Tagaytay City, bagsak sa pag-aalboroto ng Bulkang Taal01:13Christian Standhardinger wins PBA Best Player award View comments Margot Robbie talks about filming ‘Bombshell’s’ disturbing sexual harassment scene LATEST STORIES Mos Burger to open in Manila; teases with a pop-up In ‘Jojo Rabbit,’ Comedy and Drama Collide How to help the Taal evacuees Don’t miss out on the latest news and information. NCAA Season 93’s Best 7: Week 12 OSG plea to revoke ABS-CBN franchise ‘a duplicitous move’ – Lacson Meralco aims for a 2-0 lead in the best-of-5 series on Tuesday at Sta. Rosa Multipurpose Complex in Sta. Rosa, Laguna.Jared Dillinger was instrumental in the heist and fired 15 points built on three triples to go with five assists and three rebounds off the bench.FEATURED STORIESSPORTSRedemption is sweet for Ginebra, Scottie ThompsonSPORTSMayweather beats Pacquiao, Canelo for ‘Fighter of the Decade’SPORTSFederer blasts lack of communication on Australian Open smogThe fearless slasher drilled two treys in the final two minutes and sank the go-ahead layup with 1:02 left.Allen Durham topped Meralco with 23 markers, 23 boards, and four dimes, including the game-clinching bucket in the final minute. Redemption is sweet for Ginebra, Scottie Thompson Jake says relationship with Shaina ‘goes beyond physical attraction’ PBA IMAGESBIÑAN — Defense once again did the trick for Meralco as it drew first blood with a 72-66 comeback win over Star in the 2017 PBA Governors’ Cup semifinals Sunday night at Alonte Sports Arena here.The Bolts locked down on defense down the stretch, forcing the Hotshots to commit six turnovers inside the last three minutes to complete their rally from 12 points down, 59-47, in the fourth quarter.ADVERTISEMENT “It’s always gonna be a defensive struggle with Star. They really hit us hard in the beginning of our game and took us out of our offense,” said Meralco head coach Norman Black.“Luckily for us, our defense held up and kept us in the game and eventually, our shots got falling and that gave us in the game. But again, it’s really going to be a defensive struggle against Star.”Meralco recovered from its dismal start when it was held scoreless for the first six and a half minutes of the game as Star took an early 20-3 lead and forced the Bolts to the lowest scoring quarter for the season with just seven points.But with the help of Dillinger, Meralco patiently chipped away the lead eventually tied the game at 41 after a Durham basket with 6:57 left to play in the third quarter.“It shows your ability to get back,” said Black on the Bolts’ third straight come-from-behind win. “We tried to do our best to surround Durham with floor spacers, so if we can just get those guys make their shots in the next games, we’ll be alright.”ADVERTISEMENT
One day after showing intense emotion after being found guilty, Troy Jackson was on Wednesday sentenced to nine years’ imprisonment by Sexual Offences Court Judge Simone Morris-Ramlall.A 12-member jury, by 10-2, determined that Jackson was indeed the perpetrator of an indecent assault that occurred on October 20, 2016 in the county of Demerara.The charge detailed that Jackson placed his penis against the seven-year-old female victim’s genitals. In an impact statement read out by ChildLink Counsellor Celeste Mullin, the young victim stated that she was upset over what the offender did to her and that she was very sad at the time because she did not like it. She added that even though it only happened once, she did not want the same to ever happen again.“I hope Troy Jackson gets punished for what he did to me,” the victim expressed.Ibeli Kendall, a woman who knew the defendant from childhood, took that stand and testified to Jackson’s character, saying that he never created problems. However, when questioned by lead Prosecutor Seeta Bishundial, the witness could not vouch for Jackson’s character while he lived in a community in Region 10 (Upper Demerara-Berbice). Jackson, 33, was originally a resident of Kitty, Georgetown and got married in February 2018.During his plea of mitigation, Jackson’s lawyer, Adrian Thompson, suggested that his client did not have a favourable childhood as his mother died while he was six and his father when he was 11. The court heard that Jackson only had a primary education and that he was seen as a person of “good character” prior to the incident. On this basis, the Attorney appealed for mercy, but Justice Ramlall was of the view that Jackson could have expressed his own remorse to the court. She considered the breach of trust, age of the child and the prevalence of sexual offences in sentencing the defendant.The Judge, however, observed that penetration was not involved and based on the mitigation plea, subtracted one year from the maximum 10-year prison term. As such, Jackson’s sentence was nine years, but he would have to serve eight years before he was eligible for parole.Guyana Times understands that the defendant was a family friend of the victim’s relatives and had even lived with them at one point. Upon hearing the jury’s verdict on Tuesday, Jackson broke down in tears, but was much calmer at Wednesday’s sentencing. State Counsels Narissa Leander and Orinthia Schmidt assisted on the prosecution’s case.
Fawad AhmedThe Trinbago Knight Riders (TKR) have recently disclosed that they are turning to Australia’s Fawad Ahmed in order to replace their prized leg spinner Shadab Khan. The Pakistani bowler, who brought a wealth of knowledge and experience to the formidable team, will this year be out of the Caribbean Premier League owing to other engagements.As such, the Trinbago franchise has turned to another leg spinner in order to replace Khan’s brilliance. With 196 First Class and 35 T20 wickets, a T20 average of 27 and an economy rate of seven runs per over, Ahmed is set to bring added action to “the biggest party in sport” this August. The bowler has gathered his T20 experience from a number of successful stints in the Australian Big Bash tournament.Speaking on Ahmed’s selection, Director of TKR Venky Mysore stated, “We were hugely disappointed to lose out on Shadab for this year’s tournament, but Fawad is a fantastic replacement. As a bowler who can turn the ball both ways we are sure he will be a fantastic addition to the TKR squad for the 2018 season.”The Trinbago Knight Riders will jump start the 2018 CPL season against the St Lucia Stars on August 8 at the Queen’s Park Oval.
10 5. Chelsea spent £123m net in 2004 – Click the arrow for more – The arrival of Roman Abramovich in 2003 changed the football landscape forever, particularly in England. Prior to the Russians arrival, Premier League clubs had spent sizeable sums, but never on this scale. Abramovich wanted to establish a title-winning team and that is what he did in the summer of 2004, spending £123m NET. In came the likes of Robben and Cech, above, and a certain Didier Drogba for £24m. 4. Man United spent £133m net in 2014 – Click the arrow for more – Man United have long been among the biggest spenders in the English game, but after a period of parsimony under the Glazers, the Red Devils took their expenditure to new levels during the summer of 2014, as they forked out an eye-watering £133m NET spend as new boss Louis van Gaal went about rebuilding his entire side. The most expensive recruit was Angel di Maria, whose £59.7m arrival set a new British transfer record. 10 9. Paris Saint-Germain spent £98m net in the 2012 transfer window – Click the arrow for more – In 2012, the Parisians were the highest spenders in world football, recruiting the likes of Thiago Silva, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Ezequiel Lavezzi. With just a handful of departures, PSG totalled £98m NET spending, the highest in their history. 10. Paris Saint-Germain spent £96m NET in the 2013 transfer window – Click the arrow to see nine even bigger transfer window spends! – PSG were languishing in mediocrity prior to the clubs takeover by Nasser Al-Khelaifi and Qatar Sports Investments. The arrival of money brought with it lavish spending, something underlined in PSGs ability to now attract the worlds biggest names. In 2013 they spent £96m NET, including the signing of Edinson Cavani for £55m, but that isnt the most theyve parted with during a transfer period 6. Internazionale spent £120m net in 1999 – Click the arrow for more – In the 1990s Italian club football was the richest and most powerful, and Internazionale certainly spent their fair share of lira trying to achieve success. The Serie A side spent an eye-watering £129m on players in 1999, a figure that resulted in £120m NET outlay after taking into account the sale of players. In 1999! Inter recruited Christian Vieri for a then world record fee of £31m, and Clarence Seedorf from Real Madrid for around £15m 10 10 1. Real Madrid spent £155m net in 2009 – For all the muscle of the new monied teams, it is the traditional giants that continue to pave the way when it comes to eye-watering spending. While they appear only once in this list, Real Madrid remain the highest net spenders in history as Los Blancos spent £155m NET in the summer of 2009. That window saw Madrid break the world record twice as Kaka and then Cristiano Ronaldo arrived at the Bernabeu, alongside Xabi Alonso and Karim Benzema. Nothing to do with Barcelona having just won everything, that year! 10 7. Man City spent £115m net in 2008 – Click the arrow for more – Citys biggest-ever NET spend came in the 2008 window, when they fired a statement of future intent by smashing the British transfer record with the signing of Robinho. They also signed the likes of Jo for £18m, Nigel de Jong for £16m, Craig Bellamy for £14m, Wayne Bridge for £10m, and six other big names, including a certain Vincent Kompany for £6m., who proved to be a better signing than £5m Tal Ben Haim. 10 8. Man City spent £102m net in 2009 – Click the arrow for more – Much like PSG, prior to their takeover by a wealthy benefactor Man City were a club submerged in mediocrity. The Citizens have been among the highest spending clubs in the world in five out of the last seven seasons, and it is their outlay in 2009 that sees them included in this list at number eight. That summer City spent an estimated £129m, recouping some £27m back as the likes of Carlos Tevez and Joleon Lescott arrived. But this was not Citys biggest net spend… Over the past few years spending in football has reached stratospheric levels, and with every transfer window that passes it seems some sort of new spending barrier is reached.This summer the team to lead the way in splashing the case was Manchester United, as the Red Devils lavished an eye-watering £133m on players as new boss Louis van Gaal revamped his squad.The introduction of Financial Fair Play is seen as a solution to curb this, but that still hasn’t stopped the nouveau riche and old monied teams from finding ways to build title-wining teams.But who are the biggest individual net spenders in history? Find out by clicking through the countdown above.Source: World Soccer MagazineThe latest issue of World Soccer Magazine is available now 10 2. Monaco spent £152m net in 2013 – Click the arrow for more – Monaco stunned the football world in the summer of 2013 when they lavished an astronomical £152m NET on the likes of James Rodriguez and Radamel Falcao. Their closest rivals in terms of spending that year were fellow Ligue 1 giants PSG, who spent around £56m NET more than the Parisians. It was seemingly a short-lived experiment, though, as Rodriguez has since been sold to Real Madrid, while Falcao is on loan at Man United. 3. Chelsea spent £141m net in 2003 – Click the arrow for more – While Abramovich assembled a star-studded team that stormed to the Premier League title a year later, it was in fact his first season of spending that remains Chelseas highest. Upon purchasing the club, the clubs new owner set about adding a stream of new faces, which ended up costing him £141m NET in transfer fees. 10 10 10
Manchester United have offered goalkeeper David De Gea a new five-year contract to stay at Old Trafford, talkSPORT understands.The two-time Red Devils player of the year saw his move to Real Madrid breakdown on after the paperwork was not received by La Liga officials by the 11pm deadline.And now it seems as though De Gea could stay at United after all with his representative, super-agent Jorge Mendes, spotted arriving at the club’s Carrington training ground to meet Louis van Gaal and Ryan Giggs.The terms of the contract are believed to be £200,000-a-week with the pay rise back-dated a year, a substantial rise on his current contract which is thought to be between £40,000 and £50,000-a-week.There will also be a minimum fee release clause of €50m inserted into the contract in attempt to ward off any further interest from Madrid. There is no indication whether or not De Gea will sign the contract on offer to him, however.
AD Quality Auto 360p 720p 1080p Top articles1/5READ MOREGame Center: Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs, Sunday, 10 a.m.The plea agreements up the ante in the prosecution of Simpson. Cashmore can testify that guns were involved in the Sept. 13 confrontation with two sports memorabilia dealers at a Las Vegas casino hotel room, his lawyer said. “He can establish who was in the room, what was said, who had guns, who didn’t have guns, potentially who may have seen guns, who didn’t see guns,” attorney Edward Miley said outside court. “I think he wishes he would have never met O.J.” Simpson and his lawyers have denied guns were in the room at the Palace Station hotel-casino. His lawyers did not respond Monday to requests for comment. Both Alexander and Cashmore waived their preliminary hearings. Las Vegas Justice of the Peace Joe Bonaventure Jr., set both men’s arraignments for Oct. 23. Cashmore faces up to five years in prison. “In District Court, he’ll be pleading guilty to accessory to robbery,” Clark County District Attorney David Roger told Bonaventure. “He’s agreed to provide truthful testimony.” Outside court, Cashmore said he thought he’d done the right thing, but declined additional comment. Cashmore was initially arraigned on nine felonies and a gross misdemeanor, charges that included kidnapping, armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon and conspiracy. A kidnapping conviction alone could have resulted in a sentence of life in prison with parole. Simpson and the others, Clarence “C.J.” Stewart, Michael McClinton, and Charles Ehrlich, are due in court for a preliminary hearing on Nov. 8 and 9. Bonaventure will decide then whether there is enough evidence to send the case to trial in state court. If asked, Cashmore will testify if asked at the preliminary hearing that Alexander and McClinton were armed when they entered the room with Simpson, Miley said. Simpson claims at least some of the items taken from collectors Alfred Beardsley and Bruce Fromong belonged to him, and his lawyers have maintained that no guns were used. Simpson and the others are charged with kidnapping, armed robbery, assault, burglary and conspiracy. Cashmore was introduced to Simpson and most of the others in the group for the first time minutes before the alleged robbery, Miley said. “He didn’t know anyone. He didn’t know what was going on,” Miley said. “He didn’t have a gun.” Cashmore, a journeyman laborer, bartender and disc jockey, surrendered to authorities six days after the encounter, and after police released images from hotel security videotapes showing him carrying a box from the room at the hotel. Cashmore didn’t look at everything in the box, but said some items included lithograph prints of football great Joe Montana, his lawyer said. Cashmore should have immediately gone to the police and turned over the items he carried out of the room, Miley said. “He should have done something, but he didn’t,” Miley said. In 1996, he plea bargained a felony theft charge to a misdemeanor and received probation in an embezzlement case in Utah. Alexander’s lawyer, Robert Dennis Rentzer, declined to say whether Alexander had a gun in the room, but expressed doubt Cashmore could say Alexander was armed. McClinton’s lawyer, Bill Terry, did not respond to requests for comment. 160Want local news?Sign up for the Localist and stay informed Something went wrong. Please try again.subscribeCongratulations! You’re all set! LAS VEGAS – A second co-defendant in the O.J. Simpson armed robbery case said Monday that he will plead guilty to a reduced charge and testify against Simpson and four others in the alleged hotel room theft of sports collectibles from two memorabilia dealers. Walter Alexander, 46, of Mesa, Ariz., told a judge he will plead guilty to conspiracy to commit robbery, a felony. He could face between one and six years in prison. Outside the courtroom, Alexander and his lawyers declined to say what testimony he will provide. Earlier Monday, Charles Cashmore, 40, of Las Vegas, told the same judge that he would plead guilty to a felony and testify for the prosecution.
AD Quality Auto 360p 720p 1080p Top articles1/5READ MORE11 theater productions to see in Southern California this week, Dec. 27-Jan. 2Linaras, 43, is accused of harming the newborn girl, wrapping her in plastic grocery bags and leaving her in a trash bin at the Polynesian mobile home park on San Fernando Road. A woman collecting recyclables came across the dead infant. Depaz is charged with being an accessory to murder. The two were arrested after a tip from a neighbor, information that prompted a search of Linaras’ home in the mobile home park. The city of Santa Clarita had offered a $10,000 reward for information leading to an arrest and conviction. The case prompted renewed efforts to get the word out about the state’s Safe Surrender Act that allows mothers or guardians to drop off unwanted newborns at hospitals or fire stations, no questions asked. 160Want local news?Sign up for the Localist and stay informed Something went wrong. Please try again.subscribeCongratulations! You’re all set! SAN FERNANDO – A 22-year-old woman accused of murdering her newborn and dumping the baby in a trash bin in Newhall lost her bid Wednesday for reduced bail. A North Valley Superior Court ordered bail for Jacquelin Linaras to remain at $1 million. She is charged with murder and assault in the May 16 incident. Jose del la Cruz Depaz, Linaras’ boyfriend, also is being held in the case. His bail remained at $500,000 and could increase pending additional charges, a court official said. The pair were ordered to return to court July 10, at which time a date will be named for a preliminary hearing to determine if the case will go to trial.
Na Rossa GAA News:A terrific performance by our senior team just fell short as Naomh Ultan won by the minimum to qualify for the Junior A championship final. Difficult conditions last Saturday evening in Glen made it difficult for scoring as the game ended 1-3 to 0-5 in favour of the Dunkineely men. Na Rossa playing with a strong breeze in the first half went into the break leading by a single point. Naomh Ultan scored a goal early in the second half to lead by 4 points and playing with a strong breeze advantage it was going to be a difficult ask.The lads never gave in though and with some well taken scores we were back down to a single point deficit with time running out. The last attack of the game Donal Trimble saw his effort come off the upright and bar and roll to safety as Naomh Ultan hung on to win by a point and will now play Red Hugh’s in the final.Good luck in the final from all at the club.The lotto draw took place last Monday evening in the hall. The jackpot of €9000 survives another week. Numbers drawn were 1,2,9 & 10. Two lucky dips receive €50 Lee O’Connell, Letterkenny & James McGeehan, Doochary.GAA NEWS: BRAVE NA ROSSA BOW OUT AS NAOMH ULTAN BOOK FINAL PLACE was last modified: September 15th, 2015 by Mark ForkerShare this:Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window)Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)Click to print (Opens in new window) Tags:GAASport
Officials from Sonnenblick-Del Rio Development Inc., in which the two men are partners, did not return phone calls for comment. In a phone interview, West denied that he had any inappropriate dealings with Sonnenblick-Del Rio, including providing them with inside information or allowing them to pay for his vacations to Jamaica, Europe and Breckenridge, Colo. Sonnenblick-Del Rio owns three of the four buildings that are the subject of McCauley’s investigation. The fourth is owned by Chase Glendale Services LLC, whose representatives did not return calls. The county spends about $14.4 million in annual lease payments on those four buildings and another office building in Exposition Park. The county owns about 5,100 buildings – many of which are for storage – and leases 358 additional facilities. “The way we handled these buildings was not specifically provided for in federal regulations,” Chief Administrative Officer David Janssen said. “We’ve had the same kind of situation in health care where we try to figure out the most aggressive ways to draw down federal dollars for health care.” But in a March 2003 letter to McCauley, David Low, Program Support Division director for the Department of Health and Human Services, questioned the lease-back deal on a Sonnenblick-Del Rio building in West Los Angeles. He noted that the parties established a private, nonprofit corporation and that the city of Los Angeles issued a tax-exempt bond to finance construction. As part of the deal, the city expects to receive title to the building at the end of the 30-year lease. At the same time, the county entered into a 30-year operating lease with the city for the facility. “Because of recent corporate financial scandals, these types of leases have been under fire by users of financial statements and regulators,” Low wrote. “We suspect that the county entered into this lease because of its belief that it would receive greater reimbursement under federal and state programs from an operating lease than from a capital lease.” At the end of the 30-year lease, the county will not own the facility and will have to extend the lease or purchase the building. If the county had sought a capital lease, it would own the building – valued at up to $189 million – once the lease was complete. Instead, the county now will have to pay $29 million to purchase the facility. The criminal investigation of West follows the prosecution of the Chief Administrative Office’s Real Estate Division lease acquisitions manager, Cheryl Fuerth, 57, of Long Beach. Court records show Fuerth had married Claus Marx, the former director of the CAO Real Estate Division, in 1998 and that the two filed for a confidential marriage license. In her statements of economic interest, Fuerth failed to disclose three properties she and Marx own in Hermosa Beach, Long Beach and Whittier. Originally charged with seven felony counts of perjury and three misdemeanor counts of failing to disclose economic interests, Fuerth pleaded no contest Sept. 15 to one misdemeanor count and will be sentenced Dec. 13. Troy Anderson, (213) 974-8985 email@example.com 160Want local news?Sign up for the Localist and stay informed Something went wrong. Please try again.subscribeCongratulations! You’re all set! Government watchdogs said the investigations raise serious questions about contracting practices at the Hall of Administration. “If these allegations are proven, then all contracts and all permits should be re-examined to determine whether the developers have been providing financial inducements to county employees,” said Bob Stern, president of the Center for Governmental Studies in Los Angeles, a nonpartisan, nonprofit group that looks at campaign financing and ethics. McCauley said he expects to finish his investigation soon, adding that his office also is calculating whether the county might have to reimburse the state and federal governments, and for how much. “We are working to determine if claiming these costs from the state and federal governments was appropriate,” McCauley said. The district attorney’s probe led to West, also known as Charles Mazouch, 55, of South Pasadena, being put on paid leave Sept. 14, the day before investigators served search warrants seeking financial records and vacation photos of West and his wife. Warrants seeking similar documents and photos also were served on developers Robert Sonnenblick and Nelson Del Rio and their wives. The Los Angeles County auditor is investigating lucrative lease-back deals approved by the county supervisors and handled by the county’s real estate unit for potential misuse of state and federal funds, officials say. The probe comes on top of a district attorney’s inquiry of potential improper activity by the head of the agency, officials say. The latest investigation by Auditor-Controller Tyler McCauley was requested by the federal government in 2003. Federal officials had raised concerns about leases for welfare offices and the possible waste of federal dollars intended to help mostly poor people. Under the lease-back deals, the state and federal governments provide a higher rate of reimbursement to counties that lease space rather than own it outright. The District Attorney’s Office said it is investigating the Chief Administrative Office’s Real Estate Division to determine whether its chief, Chuck West, provided inside information to a prominent Westside development company that built three of the office buildings, then leased them back to the county.
Paris not burning – as much: In a tremendous setback to dissidents who have taken a torch to the country, French officials say that the protests have lessened as the demonstrators are slowly running out of cars to burn. “They are burning cars faster than we can build them,” said Mssr. Bijou, minister of transportation. “On a positive note, Paris traffic has never run so smoothly.” McBrain Food: When school officials took junk food off the menu at Inglewood High School, students’ business IQ went up 200 percent. Turning adversity into an economic opportunity and giving Colombian drug lords a run for their money, some students launched a black-market cartel to smuggle the banned food into school and sell it at a 20 percent profit. While school administrators were indignant over the students’ using the junk-food shortage to gouge the student body, oil company CEOs have begun a new employee-recruitment policy at local high schools. Steve Young is author of “Great Failures of the Extremely Successful” and can be heard on Los Angeles’ KTLK-AM (1150) on Saturdays from 1 to 4 p.m. 160Want local news?Sign up for the Localist and stay informed Something went wrong. Please try again.subscribeCongratulations! You’re all set! A rnold in China: With the overwhelmingly positive reaction he received in China, the governor has announced plans to call for a special election to redistrict China into California. “It’s about time we stop putting geographic designations in the hands of biased, map-bending cartographers,” said the popular-everywhere-but-California governor., It wasn’t that big a fib: White House papers show that the big oil companies did participate in Vice President Dick Cheney’s secret energy policy meetings. Oil company CEOs told senators last week that their companies did not participate. A release from the oil giants, titled “We thought you were talking about another secret energy meeting,” explained the discrepancy. “Do you think it’s easy keeping track of all the secret energy meetings we go to? Which meeting was which? Who was there? What did they serve for dessert? After a while, you can understand how one secret meeting blends into another.” More Watergate nostalgia: Bob Woodward of The Washington Post revealed that he was told by a senior White House official that Joseph Wilson’s wife worked for the CIA three months before that news was reported in a column by Robert Novak. Woodward explained that he had mixed up this information with his promise not to reveal Deep Throat’s identity. “As a reporter, there are so many things you promise – or what some cynics call ‘lying’ – to get the inside story, who can keep them straight?” said the formerly credible investigative reporter. “In fact, I had planned not to reveal that I was actually Robert Redford until after I had died – d’oh!” God takes blame for Pat Robertson: In a stunning announcement, the Lord said that he, in fact, was responsible for 700 Club chief executive Pat Robertson and his asinine proclamations, such as a proclamation that God would not help the citizens of Dover, Pa., because they voted out the board of education members who wanted “intelligent design” to be taught in their schools. “I was sure when people saw what orifice Robertson was talking out of, they would get it,” said the Intelligent Designer himself. “Guess the joke was too inside.” AD Quality Auto 360p 720p 1080p Top articles1/5READ MOREBlues bury Kings early with four first-period goals Dodgers name new GM: And the task at hand won’t be a walk in the park. New general manager Ned Colletti won’t have the advantage recent Dodger general managers have had – a winner to break up. “Ned’s job won’t be easy,” said a nervously twitching team official who chose to remain anonymous so that he could keep his job. “With so little talent and even less chemistry, tearing apart the team, as well as the hearts of Dodger fans, will be a toughie.” Huh?: GQ magazine has announced that it will name Jennifer Aniston its 2005 Man of the Year. In a totally unrelated story, most heterosexual men now think they must be gay. Those darn holiday speeches: In response to the president’s decision to use a Veterans Day speech to slam his critics, including many who are veterans, Democrats announced that they will have a rebuttal, but they will wait until Presidents Day to give it. Coming up next for the president: his annual Thanksgiving Day message, which will take the Pilgrims to task. Secure your load: Studies of Los Angeles freeways have found that most traffic problems emanate from a mattress in the far-left lane. Efforts to remove the mattress have been, to date, unsuccessful. Just the naughty parts: In now what seems just a big misunderstanding over what some thought was a call by Bill O’Reilly for al-Qaida to attack San Francisco, the radio-TV talk-show host clarified his comments. “I didn’t mean all of San Francisco,” explained the no-spinmeister. “My God, I love that city. I just meant the part that doesn’t watch ‘The Factor.”‘